Suzaku Seishi Maid Service
by SalixDryad
Summary: When Neko's family leaves for vacation she gets stuck at home with her playstation and new copy of FFIX, after a long night of playing she finds the seishi in her living room. What happens next?


In a world that wasn't far away, and a time that was just four minutes past 11 in the morning, a girl hugged her stuffed Tasuki closer to herself and tried to ignore her mother's summons. She was blonde, fairly pretty, very disheveled, and very annoyed at her mother who would not let her sleep. She vaguely heard her mother enlisting the help of her younger sister, knowing exactly what was going to follow, but being too tired to move she closed her eyes tight. She counted off the time. "1...2...3.." SLAM Her bedroom door was shoved open and the lights turned on. Wincing away from the evil that is light she sat up and glared at her sister. "Mom wants you downstairs Katie." Giving her sister a look that promised eternal torture and torment. "It's Neko, now get out and turn off the light or death will be yours."  
  
Her slightly masochistic and annoying sister ignored her and continued. "We're leaving to visit Grandmother we'll be gone for several days. Now mother wants you down stairs. Now." Sighing heavily, Neko gave her sister another glare for good measure. "Shut the door so I can get dressed." Smirking her sister shut the door and bounced downstairs. Grumbling she pulled her clothing on and trudged down the stairs. After having a brief and harried conversation with her mother, two fights with her father, a screaming fit over being woken up and annoyed, and a partridge in a pear tree, she found herself standing on her front porch waving good bye. After a moment of feeling dejected she popped off to play the joys of Final Fantasy IX. 15 hours, and a pack of Dr. Pepper later she turned off her playstation to go search out food. Euphorically bouncing down the stairs she took the plate of food sitting on the counter, thanked the purple haired man and walked back up the stairs. As she reached the top step Neko came to a realization. There were people in her house, and as she stepped up on the top step she came to another realization. The suzaku seishi were in her house. Neko turned around and slowly crept down her stairs, setting her food down on the bottom step she walked into her realizations.  
  
In a dim living room a stunned girl watcheds seven people in various states of lounging, the girl quite shocked rubbed her eyes and yes the seishi were still there. Seven seishi who were either grooming themselves, fighting or watching the fight. A ringing noise knocked her out of her shock and saw her diving for the phone. "Yes? Hi mum. Yes, ofcourse I'm cleaning. Mother it's the middle of the night. Ok it's early morning, yes I got sleep. No I didn't spend the night playing the playstation. No I do not have people over, will you excuse me for a moment." Neko hit mute and turned to the seishi. "SHUT UP!" Smile. "Thank you." Unmute. "Yes mother I'm back, ofcourse I'll change the kitty litter. No mother I'm not having a party. I don't know enough people to have a party. Mother I'm hungry can I please go get something to eat. Yes mother I will clean. You're sending who over to make sure I've cleaned?! Great, so now you have your friends checking on me. No, I'm not yelling. Goodbye mother." Click. Place phone on deck, turn and smile brightly. "So who is up for summoning Suzaku?" Seven seishi stared. "Right. So I'll go get a feather!" Picking up the phone again, Neko bounced off to get a red feather from her feather duster. Nuriko turned to Chichiri. "That isn't who I think it is....right?" Chichiri just sighed.  
  
"Megaaammiiiiiiiiii....pick up your phoonnnneeeeeee.....Megammm...Oh you're there great. So come over. Seishi. Right see you in five." Turning the phone off, Neko patted her clothing into place and bounced back into the living room. "So we were about to summon Suzaku." Nuriko patted his hair and smiled charmingly. "You're not the miko Neko..." Neko pouted and bit her bottom lip. "But I need the house cleaned before Mum's friends come over..." Seeing that they were not yet convinced, the sneaky girl promptly burst into tears. Five men, and one boy ran to her and tried to calm her down. "Stop crying no da!" "You're going to stain my robe." "You're not Miaka!" "You're going to stain the emperor's robe..." "$#%#$% women..." "It's alright Neko chan we'll help you clean." All babbling came to a stop as everyone turned to Chiriko. "We're going to do what?!" calmly asked Hotohori as he clenched his fan into ruins. Chiriko blinked innocently. "We're going to help her clean...." The seishi all for one stoic man, burst into annoyed babble. Edging slowly out of the room Neko went to go answer the door.  
  
A girl stood outside a beautiful house, the girl in question was currently freezing, the currently freezing girl knocked on the hard wood door and cursed as her fingers started to sting. The girl started cursing more as the wind blew her skirt up and she realized she wasn't wearing underwear. Again.  
  
Neko opened the door and dragged a cursing Megami into her house. "Oh! They're going to help me clean! I'm going to put Hotohori and Nuriko in french maid outfits!!" Megami took a moment from cursing and grinned. "Put them all in one." A grin spread over their faces, and they grabbed the costumes from that odd place that all female otaku keep their costumes and mallets and waltzed into the living room happily.  
  
After three fights, two shrieking fits and one crying fit later all the seishi were agreed that they would help her clean. Mostly for fear of what Neko would do to them if they didn't. They still remembered the Technical Support parody. It was then that they realized that something was out of sorts. Their clothing felt different, it felt silky...and lacey. They looked down. They were wearing french maid outfits and each holding a duster. Shrieking in horror they pulled at the clothing which to their amazement and terror would not come off. Nuriko stood and admired Hotohori in a skirt. "You have wonderful legs Hotohori..." Nuriko promptly turned around and gave the two giggling girls a kiss, thanked them and proceeded to go back to admiring Hotohori. The two now stunned girls blinked, spent several minutes staring at the seishi in admiration and then went to each seishi and gave them a part of the house to clean.  
  
Somewhere in the large house a blonde petite girl stops and makes an observation. "Wait a moment, isn't Nuri chan straight now?"  
  
A cute little voice comes to you out of the void. These are the voices in your head, you should seek help. If you don't hear voices continue reading. AHEM Anyways, a cute little voice comes to you out of the void. The void soon comes into focus and you see a nicely furnished living room. In the background a grumbling red haired seishi is cleaning the windows. I would recommend staring, Tasuki isn't often in a dress, now back to the irregularly scheduled fan fiction. "Welcome to Fushigi Yuugi's Maid Service." Stare. "Down here." Near the floor a beautiful siamese cats is grooming himself and staring at the orange striped cat holding a microphone, and talking. Yes, talking. "Thank you, anyways, welcome to Fushigi Yuugi's Maid Service. They mop, they clean, they do laundry! They do the dirties, messiest, most smelly jobs in the house, and they do it with a smile!" The orange cat gives a giant cat grin. "And here behind me is our first maid. This brilliant young lady, erm man in a lovely maid's uniform, is one of our finest. He cheers up any house with his extensive use of vocabulary, and he does windows!"  
  
In between swipes on the window, Tasuki bangs his head against it, as he curses fluently. The cats take a moment to pause in admiration before promptly ignoring him again. "And as we go into our special room, our domain where few humans tred, where our dramatic use of white upon white is striking, we come upon the secon seishi in the group. The man cheerfully and quietly does any dirty task put upon him, and doesn't he look lovely in that dress?" A tell tale twitch forms around Mitsukake's eyes as he quietly cleans the litter box. The siamese walks over to the litter box and promptly uses it, forcing Mitsukake to clean it, once again. "Diligent fellow isn't he ladies?"  
  
As we walk into the quaint kitchen, we spy the brightly colored peacock that is Hotohori. This creature tends to attract males and females alike as he reigns over his kingdom with cheerful stupidity and excessive vainess. He peers at himself in the mirror, checking every angle of his hair, as he gives commands to Nuriko who is trying to wash the dishes and watch the bishounen emperor. Neither attempt is really working as his drool is just making the dishes dirty again, and the water is splashing all over the maids outfit. "And here we have our two favorite bishounen maids. His royal highness Hotohori, who brings a sense of grace and dignity to the house, and his best friend Nuriko, who is the best dressed this side of China. Both of these delightful maids would be the perfect addition to any dinner party. Their wit and charm can dazzle even the gods." The orange cat jumps up onto Nuri chan's shoulder and then jumps onto Hotohori's shoulder and promptly covers his robe in cat hair, satsified with himself the cat jumps down and walks into another room, ignoring the screams of horror behind him.  
  
Somewhere far away a high pitched wail is heard as it screams for it's beloved. "Taaaaammmmaaaaahoooommmmeeeeeeee!!"  
  
Back in the house Neko chan pauses and shivers in dread. "Ne. Megami, did you hear that?" Megami blinks at Neko. "Hear what?" Shrugging she turns back to stare at Chichiri's ass as he bends over to pick something up. "yummy!" Mumbling Neko walks down stairs to find Tasu chan.  
  
"Welcome back to Fushigi Yuugi's Maid Service." Bright kitty smile. "As we ascend the stairs we come upon the adorable soon to be bishounen. His pink flavored hair and black and white costume adds to this little ones natural charm. He can discuss quantum physics and make doilies out of left over lace! This is one you just cannot miss ladies, he's a wonderful deal!" The orange cat smiles brightly as Chriko leans down and pats his head gently. Giving the boy a grateful meow he leaves the child to polish the banister of the stairs.  
  
"We rise above the stairs and come to the second floor where we find a diligent monk cleaning the gameroom. The game room is furnished with large plush couches, chairs and a state of the art computer system." Flicking his tail cheerfully, the cat walks up to Chichiri and continues to narrate. "This man can reach both high and low spaces with his ability to float and turn into a 3 foot chibi." Turning towards the drooling Megami the cat grins. "And this lovely creature is Megami, with long dark hair she rules over the world of otaku with grace, aplomb, and cute little cat ears." Megami coos as Chichiri bends over again, giving her a full view of his delicious ass. She pops into kitty mode complete with ears as she grabs a camera and takes a picture of the kodak moment.  
  
Laughing to himself the orange cat saunters into the media room to find an annoyed Tamahome wrestling with furniture as he tries to clean under it. "Now we come upon the last and certaintly least seishi. This creature's heart belongs to the hideously annoying Yuuki Miaka." Tamahome stands up straight as he hears Miaka's name, hearing a faint stampeding sound he gets a look of fear on his face. Running up to the cat he drops to his knees and kowtows. "Oh please save me from her voracious stomach!"  
  
Neko pauses as the feeling of dread goes up her spine again, cocking her head slightly to the right she listens carefully and hears a stampeding sound. Her eyes widen in horror as she darts to the front door and shoves the bolt home. Looking around frantically she runs over to the backdoor to lock it, ignoring the odd looks that the seishi are giving her she gives a wail worthy of Miaka. "MEEEEGGGGAAAAAMIIIIIII!!!!"  
  
Megami blinks as Neko's familiar wail pierces the air, sighing in disappointment she follows the running seishi down the stairs to find out what's wrong.  
  
Neko blinks as she finishes her wail and finds a group of seishi including one blubbering Tamahome surrounding her. Chiriko steps up tentatively to Neko. "Ne Neko san, what's wrong?" Before she's able to answer a whirwind bursts through her front door and glomps onto a sobbing tamahome. Lifting a shaking hand, Neko points at the creature. "It's Miaka!" Neko breaks into a wailing fit, suddenly an evil gleam fills her eyes as she gets an idea.  
  
Megami arches an eyebrow as Neko suddenly stops wailing, curiously she watches Neko dash into the kitchen and come flying out with a knife aimed at Miaka. Sighing she brings this to the attention of the seishi. "She's got a knife aimed at Miaka, you'll have to stop her." Reluctantly the seishi grab onto Neko's waist and fight to keep her away from the brunette meatballs.  
  
Shrieking Neko hisses in Miaka's direction. "Bitch! Slut! Little whore! How dare you steal all the bishounen! I want Chichiri! I love him you don't! Bitch!" Clawing at the seishi holding her back, the blonde wails in frustration. "Let me go!"  
  
Brightly and cheerfully Miaka breaks away from a suffocated Tamahome and comes to stand infront of the struggling Neko. Looking curiously at the knife and then at the seishi holding the girl back she brightly asks. "Why is she blonde?"  
  
The group collectively facefaults as Miaka misses the obvious attempt on her life. Grabbing this chance Neko lunges forward and burries the knife in Miaka's chest, stunned the blonde looks down at the dead body lying on her floor. "She's dead..." The realization hits her. "She's dead!!" She starts crying happily. "I'll be the hero of the otaku world!" She pauses as Miaka starts to sit up and pull the knife from her chest. Staring in disbelief Neko lets out a wail. "But you're dead!!"  
  
Miaka ignores the fact that her clothing are stained in blood and heads for the kitchen with a gleam in her eye.  
  
Stunned Neko looks between the stain on her floor and the stain currently walking through her kitchen. "Oh Suzaku no! I was so close!!" Neko hits a theatrical pose that would have made Scarlet jealous and cries to the sky. "Why have you taken away my gift to humanity?!" The scene fades out with Neko wailing and the seishi sighing in disappointment.  
  
Suzaku sighs and shakes his head from his perch on a cloud. "Sorry Neko chan I had to, I need her to come back. Besides it'd mess with the rest of the anime." 


End file.
